


Bad Intentions

by Queen_of_Run_On_Sentences



Series: Zukka Songfics [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Depression, F/F, Gay Sokka, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Oops, Protective Sokka (Avatar), Protective Zuko (Avatar), Sad, Suicide Attempt, Violence, Zuko is 18, Zuko is a sad boi, aang is 18, azula is 18, basically theyre all adults idc, bisexual Jet, gay Zuko, jet is 18, katara is 18, oh boy where do i start, redeemed zuko and azula, sokka is 18, theyre all out of character too, toph is 18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26264053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_of_Run_On_Sentences/pseuds/Queen_of_Run_On_Sentences
Summary: Sokka tells him that he's gay, and Zuko's mind short circuits. Zuko knows, deep down he should say that he is, too. Zuko has already scared Sokka enough with his feelings, and he can't bear the thought of Sokka having to worry more about Zuko making a move, so all he does is say that it means nothing, Zuko still cares for him, and that he will always be his friend.Tears come to Sokka's eyes, and he assumes that it's because Zuko accepted him. He comforts him, saying that everything will be alright and that Sokka will find a man who loves him back someday. Sokka smiles sadly, and says, “maybe, maybe one day,” and then he's leaving, and takes another part of Zuko's heart with him, and Zuko doesn't stop him.He'd let Sokka break him a million different way so long as Sokka stays by his side.
Relationships: Azula/Toph Beifong, Jet/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Zukka Songfics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1908199
Comments: 8
Kudos: 127





	Bad Intentions

**Author's Note:**

> if you didn't read the tags, all of the gang is 18 years old, this story is NOT canon compliant, and they're all out of character. This is my first work in this fandom so yuh. This work is unbeta'd so if there's any typos, I'm sorry.

_This is the face I wear treading the riptide_

The first time Zuko met Sokka, well, it was under some very unfortunate circumstances. All Zuko wanted was his honor restored, but knowing his father, he sent him on a wild gooseduck chase. 'Probably because he never wanted to face his mistake of a son ever again,' Zuko had thought to himself bitterly. With a face full of hatred, and a hurt ego, Zuko attacked the Southern Water Tribe. It was the worst mistake of his life.

_Abysmal oceans where good girls go to die_

Zuko wanted nothing more than to drown himself in the water of the ocean. He couldn't make his father proud, his sister hates him with so much passion he can taste it, and to make matters worse, his uncle, for some odd reason keeps deciding to stick around as if that wasn't hurting Zuko, too. Maybe everything would right itself if Zuko were to just... die. As Zuko stood out on the deck of the ship, his uncle appeared, and pulled him into a hug, and Zuko, well. He doesn't want the man to hurt more than he already does, so he turns into Iroh's embrace and lets himself cry over everything he'd ever done wrong.

_I wanna love somebody_

Zuko just wants someone, he knows he has his uncle. Of course he does, but it isn't the same. That's familial love, not the kind Zuko wants (needs) desperately. Maybe if someone could show him how to change, how to love, he'd have the strength to break away from his father's grasp. He'd have the strength to be his own person, but he doesn't, and he never will.

_Wanna feel in love all on me_

Sometimes, Zuko wonders if his mother ever truly loved him. She was the only one to ever show him true kindness, true compassion, which he knows she got from his uncle. So in a way, Zuko does have someone. He has someone who loves him for who he is. He knows, deep within himself he needs to change. Maybe he needs to learn to love himself.

He finds Uncle Iroh, and before he gave up the courage, he spoke. “Uncle?” Iroh paused, and looked at his nephew in confusion, Zuko sounded nervous. “Yes, Zuko?”

Something in Zuko's eyes changed, and he said, “I want to change.”

And Uncle Iroh? Well, Zuko had never seen him happier.

_But after everything I still believe in true love_

Being in Ba Sing Se, Zuko worked with his uncle, and he loved it. They were free. His father was still kept under the rug, of course, but that was for their safety (and everyone else's too). 

Here, he saw everyone. He saw the lonely people (they were his favorite, probably because they reminded him of himself), the heartbroken people (the people whose eyes were red rimmed, stormy, confused, and so, so sad), the happy people (their smiles lit up rooms, and their eyes were more bright than any fire Zuko had ever seen), the people who were in love (hands intertwined, permanent smiles on their faces, filled to the brim with joy), and the people who were secretly in love (small smiles on their faces when the person of their desire laughed, the look of uncertainty in their eyes, the small “meaningless” touches) and Zuko wanted something like that. 

He wanted to be loved (to love) so completely that it hurts with an intensity of the sun.

He never could understand why people hid their feelings.

_Not being able to find it_

The day one of the avatar's friends walked into the tea shop, his heart stuttered. They hated him. They thought he was still trying to chase them, but he had to keep up appearances for his father. He had to do what he needed to, and they could (would) never understand. When his uncle came out from the back he let out a laugh and a “Toph!” and was rushing over to her.

Pulling her into a hug, (Uncle Iroh made sure to leave her feet planted on the floor, which Zuko felt was odd) he said “Come, meet my nephew!” Zuko's heart was beating so fast he thought he was having a heart attack and didn't hear what Uncle Iroh said to Toph, so when she was close enough she said, “I like your hair, it's a lovely shade of red.”

Confusion wrote it's way onto Zuko's face and Iroh laughed. “Come now dear, be kind to him, he's turning over a new leaf.”

“She's blind,” Iroh mouthed at him. “Oh,” Zuko said, dumbly. “So, firebender, I hear you're breaking free from fire daddy?” Zuko shuddered, “please don't call him that, it weirds me out.” She snickered, “so does you being nice, but eh, it is what it is.”

Toph came around more after that. He saw how she and Uncle Iroh were connected. They loved each other. Iroh considered her a daughter, and Zuko decided that she is his sister. He would never let any harm come to her. So when another one of her friends came barging in, yelling, “Toph! What the hell!” Zuko had jumped in front of her and pulled himself into a defensive stance. He snared out, “If you come near her I'll rip your arms off!”

The person (who is decidedly hot, especially his blue eyes and the way his hair was pulled back) looked shocked, and then rolled his eyes. “Really, Toph?”

Zuko was even more confused. “Calm down, sparky. I just put a little bit of dirt in his food, he'll get over it,” she shrugged and went back to chatting with Iroh. Zuko wanted someone to defend him the way he protects those he loves. It's all he has ever wanted.

_Damn it tears me up_

He and Sokka (who had introduced himself shortly after Zuko threatened to rip his arms off) got along pretty well. He would come around when Toph did sometimes, and since Sokka felt left out when Toph and Iroh spent time together, he would come annoy (try to be friends with) Zuko. Zuko hated (loved) it. Sokka kept him from doing his job, always following him around or wanting to hang out. Zuko is getting ideas that he has no right to have. Like holding Sokka's hand, going on dates, properly meeting the rest of their little gang, he wanted to be loved. Sokka is the only one (besides his uncle) to show him genuine compassion.

Toph had, apparently, told everyone about Zuko 2.0, the new and improved. Sokka, at first hadn't believed her. That's the real reason that he came to the shop that day, and it was only a bonus that Toph had messed with his food, the perfect excuse. Sokka had told him this when they were staring up at the sky days ago.

Zuko just wants to love.

_And I know it's my fault_

With Mai, them being together just didn't feel right. At the time, he didn't know why that was (he didn't know until he met Sokka) and it isn't her fault. It will never be her fault. It was his, he knew this. Zuko had known something with her didn't feel right. They connected, of course, both coming from a past of pain, but after Sokka, it made sense. He didn't want a woman.

It really wasn't her fault. There was nothing she could have done to make him attracted to her the way she wanted him to be. He never said goodbye to her, he never got the chance to explain.

He just wants to tell her that he's sorry.

_Let's take a trip, ten thousand miles above the clouds_

“Zuko! Come look at the clouds!” Zuko followed Sokka out onto the sidewalk. The clouds were beautiful, but Zuko, poor Zuko, now he knew why people kept these things hidden. He couldn't ruin what they had. Their friendship, it was worth more than anything his father could ever offer him.

When Azula had shown up (also asking for forgiveness, he realized that she, too, lost a mother and just wanted to be loved. He had hugged her, and told her that while he may not forgive what she did, he changed, and so can she) Sokka had been supportive of her (probably because she scared the living piss out of him) and this only made Zuko treasure him even more.

While Sokka was preoccupied looking at the sky, Zuko committed every single second of this moment to memory. He knew he could never come down from the clouds Sokka had put him up on.

You never really do forget the first person you ever really fall in love with.

_We can stay up here until we figure it out_

Sokka has been acting weird around Zuko for a few months now. Something has changed in him, Zuko can tell. Sokka has had some kind of epiphany. Zuko has no idea what it is, but it definitely has to do with him. Sokka has been more quiet, has stopped coming around as much. Maybe he finally figured out about Zuko's feelings for him. It's the only thing that makes any lick of sense. He blushes around Zuko, doesn't touch him as often as he used to. Sokka's face flushes when Zuko gets too close.

Of course he found out. Zuko wasn't exactly discreet when it came to how he was feeling. Maybe he was so embarrassed about Zuko's feelings he just started avoiding him altogether. Zuko doesn't blame him, not in the slightest. Zuko is going to apologize to him, he will. He just needs some time to find someone else. Someone else who loves him.

Sokka does, in a sense, he had told him one night while they were drunk off of wine. He said it was more like a brother though, and then grimaced, as though the thought of loving Zuko like anything else was a disgusting idea. Zuko doesn't blame him. No one could love a monster like him. Zuko can't even love himself, how could he ask someone to do something even he can't do?

_I don't wanna go home_

Zuko has nightmares, when he's alone. It's so dark outside and yet Zuko can't find a reason to sleep. All he really does is think about Sokka. About the life they could have together. Zuko knows its futile. Not a single bone in his body believes Sokka would ever love him. Why would he anyway?

He accepted Zuko's apology for everything and probably only sticks around because of the fact Zuko doesn't want (need) to be alone. It's times like these that Zuko considers harming himself again. He hasn't thought about dying, not since Sokka. Sokka has saved him from so much, and he has no idea what he has done for Zuko. Zuko could never repay that kind of debt, ever.

Zuko found himself walking around, it had to be around 4 in the morning, but he honestly couldn't care less. What's waiting for him? An empty bed and dreams full of regret. Zuko hates himself. He hates everything he used to stand for and he hates the fact that Sokka decided to get close. Zuko is going to wind up destroying everything.

Everything he touches goes up in flames anyway.

_Don't wanna be alone_

Zuko found himself a nice little hang out spot, away from the bustle of the city and his too loud heartbeat around Sokka. He can actually think here. He hates it. A flame flickers in his hand, and for a brief moment he considers burning the tree he is currently residing in. He has considered showing Sokka this spot. It's quiet, Sokka would like it. They could sit too close and joke around, and Zuko could pretend that they're in love.

Zuko looks over the city, and he swears he sees a pair of ocean blue eyes meet his, but then they're gone, and so is his hope of being in love.

_I've got some damn bad intentions_

He wants to kiss him. They're drinking tea, and Sokka is telling Aang something about Appa giving him a bath with his tongue, but Zuko's eyes are trained on the boy's lips as they wrap around the lip of the cup. Sokka starts turning his was and Zuko averts his eyes, staring intently at the table. When he looks up again, Aang is looking at him with something like recognition and he can't take it anymore.

His mind flashes to thoughts of Sokka in his bed, Sokka on top of him, Sokka taking off his shirt and sparring with Zuko, Sokka sunbathing in nothing but a short pair of shorts, Sokka down on his kne- Zuko gets up without a word and disappears into his room.

_I got some secrets I forgot to mention_

Sokka tells him that he's gay, and Zuko's mind short circuits. Zuko knows, deep down he should say that he is, too. Zuko has already scared Sokka enough with his feelings, and he can't bear the thought of Sokka having to worry more about Zuko making a move, so all he does is say that it means nothing, Zuko still cares for him, and that he will always be his friend.

Tears come to Sokka's eyes, and he assumes that it's because Zuko accepted him. He comforts him, saying that everything will be alright and that Sokka will find a man who loves him back someday. Sokka smiles sadly, and says, “maybe, maybe one day,” and then he's leaving, and takes another part of Zuko's heart with him, and Zuko doesn't stop him.

He'd let Sokka break him a million different way so long as Sokka stays by his side.

_Haven't learned my lesson_

Aang finds him. “What did you do?” Zuko knew this was coming. “I didn't mean to, I swear. I'd never hurt him. He's all I have, you have to believe me, please, Aang. Whatever I did, I'm so so sorry.” He's breaking and he knows it. He's tired of hiding, but so long as Sokka is safe, it's all worth it.

“What are you talking about, Zuko?”

Zuko goes to explain, he really does, but he just can't. He can't tell anyone about his feelings. They'll tell Sokka and he will lose him permanently. “I'll back off, I'll stay away for a while, but please Aang, I'm begging you, don't take him away from me completely. I need (want) him.”

Something resolves in Aang's eyes, and his eyes widen and he lets out a breath, and says the words Zuko never wanted to hear out loud.

“You're in love with him.”

_I've got some damn bad intentions_

Zuko hasn't come out of his room in weeks. Months are passing by, and the war still rages on. The gang left a week ago and Zuko hasn't been okay since. Sokka never even said goodbye. Maybe Aang told Sokka, and maybe Sokka decided he wasn't even worth a goodbye.

He doesn't blame Sokka. He never would. He just wished that he could have gotten a goodbye.

The feeling of a knife sliding across his skin feels more like home than the thought it would, and all he can think about is dying.

Welcome home.

_I see the world in 25 dimensions_

Zuko woke up, finally, his stomach churning. The poison in his system tasted better than any tea he'd ever had. He'd been so close, so close to finally being done with everything. His uncle found him, when he was almost dead. Zuko didn't know how, but his uncle had found a cure for the poison. Zuko wishes he could hate his uncle, but really, he's all his uncle has left. He doesn't blame him.

During his trip away from the world, Zuko saw so much he didn't previously notice. Everyone knew. He had made it so obvious. Toph knew even before Sokka had shown up at the tea shop. Maybe it was all the times he had shown hesitance in hurting Sokka, Maybe, just maybe, nobody told Sokka about his feelings, but that's too much to hope for.

Zuko cries himself to sleep again.

_I've seen evil reign over perfection_

Zuko remembers everything his father ever did to anyone. They were happy once, he likes to think. His mother had shown kindness to his father, but he wonders what made his father snap in the end. Starting a war and killing thousands of people. Family should have been enough, but it wasn't.

Sometimes it never is. Zuko considers himself lucky. He has his uncle, and that's more than some people could ever hope for.

_Blood heat over tension_

Zuko feels as though his very soul is aflame. His blood is boiling and he can't do anything about it. He likes to torture himself this way sometimes. Raising his body temperature until he's pretty sure if he goes any further he will boil his brain alive. He'd rather keep hurting himself other rather that the ones he loves. He misses Sokka, on days like this.

He should have shown him that tree. Sitting buried underneath a rock is a letter to Sokka that he will never send. Part of him hopes that someday someone finds it by mistake. Someone will know how deeply his love for Sokka runs.

_You say you love the way the storms blow_

Sokka has returned. Zuko finally managed to pull himself together long enough to go downstairs and make himself some tea, and there, was Sokka. He looked worn down. His eyes didn't hold the same level of happiness they used to. Zuko's heart breaks.

Then, he remembers that Sokka probably knows about Zuko's feelings. Probaly doesn't even want to see him. Just as he turned around and started going back upstairs. There is a hand on his wrist and he's being whipped around and before he can strike back against his attacker, he recognizes the beautiful blues that he fallen helplessly for.

“Zuko, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I should have been here.” He is being pulld into a hug and his heart is squeezing itself painfully, but he hugs Sokka back with much more force than he intended, and his heart both breaks open and seals itself together in one fluid moment as hot tears roll down his face.

“I should have said goodbye, I shouldn't have just left, I am so, so sorry Zuko. I heard the news and I got here as fast and I could, and you scared the shit out of me, you asshole.” Sokka is crying too, and Zuko hates the fact that it is his actions that caused this beautiful, elegant boy to cry. He loathes himself for it.

_But when it comes you close your window_

Zuko vowed to never hurt himself again. He can't do that to Sokka, not again. Sokka hasn't left his side since he got back. He sleeps on the floor, refusing to make Zuko take the floor (“such a gentleman,” Zuko had quipped. “Only for you darling,” Sokka had shot back. Zuko's stomach fluttered). Zuko will never do anything to hurt Sokka, that's what he promised himself months ago, and that's exactly what he did.

No more. Zuko is done hurting the ones he loves, that is a promise.

_You hate the fighting in the world_

The war still rages, but all Zuko is focused on is the heavy breathing of Sokka, who had woke up to the sounds of Zuko screaming in his sleep. He had crawled up in the bed and demanded that Zuko scoot over. Sokka had pulled him into his arms and pet Zuko until he fell asleep again. Zuko falls into a peaceful sleep for the first time in years.

When Zuko awakens, Sokka is gone, but there's a note beside his bed asking Zuko to meet him for breakfast. Zuko smiles and gets ready fro the day. It was going well, Zuko thought. They ate, they laughed, they had fun. That was until some kid came out of nowhere. "He's Fire Nation! Get him the hell out of here!"

Sokka took Zuko's side immediately. "Guards, this man attacked me on the train demanding for me to show him my "firebending" skills. He's been stalking me since I arrived, he is trying to harm my friends," Sokka looked at Zuko sadly, "he does nothing but work in a tea shop with his uncle. They haven't done a damn thing."

Zuko falls a little harder, but the boy (Jet is his name) made it obviously apparent, he would never be accepted anywhere. How could he? His father made it known that every Fire Nation member is inherently evil. Zuko realizes quite suddenly just what he got Sokka involved in, and he can't do it. He can't do this, not to Sokka.

Zuko blames his father.

_So you bring the battle home and fight until it's yours_

When they returned back to the tea shop, Sokka was about to say something, but Zuko had to protect him, it didn't matter the consequence. "Sokka, we can't be friends anymore." Zuko couldn't look at him when he said this. He feels guilty enough as it is, he doesn't need Sokka's feelings mixing with his thoughts. He's doing this to protect him.

"Why, Zuko? What did I do?" Sokka sounds hurt. Zuko keeps looking at the floor. "I'm sorry," comes out of Zuko's mouth, and every word he spoke burned acid onto his tongue. "No. Zuko I'm not letting you do this. You don't get to push me away. You don't get to choose who loves you or how they love you. You don't get to just push people away because it's easy."

Zuko's eyes met Sokka's but unlike all the other times, Zuko felt the anger burning in his eyes, and sokka took a step backwards, probably not expecting for Zuko to look at him like that. "Go away, Sokka."

Sokka looked at him defiantly, "No, Zuko, I'm not leaving you alone. You're in no shape to care for yourself right now. You need someone."

Zuko looked appalled, "You don't get to tell me how to take care of myself! You do not know what I spent most of my life doing! You don't know even the half of it, so stop acting all high and mighty and just leave me the fuck alone!" Zuko stormed off into the tea shop, slamming and locking the door behind him, before he slid down the door, tears finally falling.

The regret is instantaneous.

_Fight until I'm gone_

Weeks have passed, again. The gang left, again. Not a goodbye from any one them, not even Toph (who had said goodbye to Iroh) but isn't this what he wanted? He forced Sokka away, and for him, as long as keeping Sokka away from his is the best option he could see. Sokka is the light, but Zuko is shrouded in darkness. When he sent away the sun, he sent away every hope of ever being okay again.

He won the battle, didn't he?

_And there's holes on the walls_

Zuko started training again. He found that Jet was much more enjoyable to be around when they were beating each other up. Jet gets to beat up a Fire Nation Fuck Up and Zuko gets to beat away all of his anger, so honestly, it's a win win situation. At least, it was, right up until Jet pushed him against a tree and kissed him with so much hatred (Zuko didn't even know that was a thing) that Zuko was pinned by confusion and, to his surprise, arousal.

Zuko probably would have let it continue, but his mind flashed to Sokka, and he still, after a year, couldn't bring himself to start anything with anyone else. Nobody would love him the way that Sokka had done, and he only wants it from Sokka. No one else. So Zuko pushed Jet away and punched a tree until his skin broke open and he swears he could see bone.

_Written in the sand_

Zuko has been spending time at his tree, seeing as him and Uncle Iroh have pretty much made Ba Sing Se their permanent home. Zuko draws in the dirt. It's easy to erase and if he wants to leave it there overnight, well, no one comes up here to step on it. So Zuko starts writing more letters to Sokka, he uses the dirt as a rough draft to see if the words fit or make sense. If they do, Zuko writes it down on paper and then puts it in the pouch he has underneath the rock.

Zuko, for the most part, has pretended to be okay. He hasn't tried to kill himself again, and he's proud, but now he has no one but himself to keep a promise to. It's an empty one. Sokka is gone and so is Zuko's hope of falling in love. It's like Sokka took his beating heart right out of his chest, because Zuko's blood screams for Sokka. His heart craves him, Why is it so hard, being without Sokka?

_Deception on my lips and there's blood on your hands_

Sokka has returned. When Sokka stumbled into the tea shop, Zuko's heart leapt out of his chest. When he saw blood on Sokka, he only became worried. "Your... your sister," Sokka tried to speak, and Zuko's mind reeled. Did he make the wrong decision in protecting his sister? "She saved me, Zuko." Sokka damn near fell to the floor, his body giving up, and when he caught Sokka, he noticed the slash mark across the lower part of his abdomen. Where the hell is Katara?

"Uncle! Uncle! Wake up, it's Sokka!" Zuko stormed into his uncle's room, his uncle turning on a lantern and holding up to see a limp Sokka and Zuko with tears threatening to fall. It couldn't end like this, they couldn't end like this. His uncle stood, "Put him on the bed Zuko, go find his sister!"

Zuko ran out of the tea shop and towards where there was a crowd gathered. Azulua could be seen in the middle, fighting her way around various Earth Nation soldiers. When her eyes met Zuko's she nodded, as if to say, "you ready?" and he nodded. She jumped in the air and sent a tornado of flames spiraling. Zuko rushed in to the fire as everyone else scattered, grabbed Toph, and said to her, "I'm picking you up, hang on tight, okay?" She hummed in response. What the hell is wrong with them?

He grabbed Aang's hand and let him climb onto his back, and picked up Katara, putting her on his other hip, and then he took off as fast as he could when Azulua made her firenado disappear. He knew Azula would follow them back to the tea shop, and he trusted his sister. That, in itself, was a new revelation.

_And I'm tired of keepin' lies_

It was some kind of pollen, in the end. They all had breathed it in and it made their senses wonky. They were unable to fight because of it, and when they showed up to Ba Sing Se drugged out of their minds, the guards had been ordered to "round them up" and "cure" them.

Azula (following "orders" from their father, had been tasked to see to it that they all died. If Azula hadn't been there, hadn't saved them, Sokka would have been gone forever.

He tells Azula thank you, and they share a night talking about the people they love, and when Azula starts talking about a girl who happens to be blind, well, Zuko recognized that look on her face. She's in love.

Secretly, of course.

_You can see it in my eyes_

When Aang comes looking for him (again), this time there's no anger, just sadness. Zuko cries, because Aang knows. Aang tells him that it will be okay, that he'll find someone else, someone to truly love him, but they're empty words. He doesn't want anyone else, but if Sokka doesn't want him, then Zuko will find someone else. He has to.

For Sokka.

_I don't wanna die_

Eventually, Zuko talks to Sokka about it. He tells Sokka the reason that him and Mai didn't work. When the words, "I'm gay too", escaoe his lips, Sokka looks mildly surprised, and there's something else there, but Zuko doesn't have the brain power to try and decipher what it is.

Zuko tells him that his father would never accept a gay son, a gay heir to a throne, so he started dating Mai, but it wasn't until after their first kiss that Zuko had figured it out, but he always felt different around Mai.

He tells Sokka that his father is the reason he's a depressed, suicidal teenager.

He tells Sokka that the one thing he has ever wanted is to be loved.

Sokka hugs him, and says, "you are."

_I've just got some damn bad intentions_

He showed Sokka his tree, in the end. Part of him hopes that Sokka will come here, find his notes, confess his love, and they'll kiss and roll around in the dirt, and have such fiery passion sex. Zuko isn't that lucky, though.

He knows having Sokka to himself is too much to hope for. Sokka is asleep, on his chest, his arms curled around Zuko's side. Zuko lets silent tears fall, hoping that Sokka can't hear the breaking of Zuko's heart in his sleep.

Zuko thinks about everything. Everything he wants. He wants to kiss Sokka in front of their friends and blush at the catcalls he knows they'll recieve. He wants to let his tongue travel every single inch of Sokka's body until it's the only thing he can taste for the rest of his life.

He wants everything he can't fucking have.

_I got some secrets I forgot to mention_

When Jet shows up at the tea shop, Sokka's body goes stiff as Zuko and Jet laugh about something, before Zuko gives him a one armed hug and Zuko can see the "What the hell?" in Sokka's eyes.

"Shit," is all Zuko can think before he storms out of the shop, and of course Zuko should have told him about Jet. Jet and Zuko made up after the kiss, Jet told him he was just trying to distract himself from all the hardships in his life, and he thought Zuko was trying to do the same.

He had admitted his fault and Zuko forgave him.

"Why are you and Jet all... buddy buddy now?" Sokka spits out when Zuko finally reaches the tree. "We are sparring partners ba- Sokka." Zuko cursed himself out in his mind. 'Nice blown cover, genius.'

"What? So I leave and now what? You and Jet are a thing? Were you going to tell me? At all?"

"We aren't anything, Sokka! We are friends! That's it!"

Sokka huffes, then just sits down underneath the tree, his eyes closed and his fists unclenching. Zuko understands why Sokka is so upset. Jet wad the enemy, the gang went off to fight and came back to a new friendship that they didn't think was going to happen.

"Okay," Sokka says, and Zuko sits down beside him, and Sokka lays his head on Zuko's shoulder.

_Haven't learned my lesson_

Zuko overhears a conversation between Sokka and Jet, that honestly, he knows he wasn't supposed to overhear. "When I kissed Zuko, he kind of just, flipped out. He started punching the tree. He broke his knuckles open and I saw blood. I thought it was because he wasn't gay, but he is, and so I think... I think there's someone else. He loves someone else."

Sokka whispered, "Do you know who?" Zuko didn't hear what Jet said, just that Sokka's voice wavered and he said, "Okay."

Sokka hasn't come around since he heard the conversation, and he was raised not to eavesdrop, but his mind has been a chaotic whirlwind ever since then, and he can't settle it down.

He knows Sokka is mad, Zuko didn't tell him about the kiss, just that they had been friends. Zuko knew, somehow, someway, this will come back to bite him in the ass.

_I know we've made a graveyard of this all_

Sokka is definitely pissed off, about what, Zuko doesn't know. He's been short with everyone, his temper blowing up so much that Iroh had to ask him to leave the shop because he was scaring customers.

He had cussed out a cup of tea that had fallen into his lap. Their friendship has changed. Sokka didn't touch him anymore. He still asked how Zuko wad doing, but aside from that, kept his distance.

Maybe he thought that Zuko and Jet are a thing, but are keeping it covered up. Maybe he thinks Zuko is in love with someone else. Hell, with Zuko's luck, Sokka is in love with Jet. It wouldn't suprise Zuko, honestly it wouldnt, but still.

How is Zuko going to fix this mess without making it worse? Zuko doesn't think he can.

_I know I don't feel too sober now_

Zuko is drunk, and its 4am again, and he's wandering around the city being his lonely, self pitying self. He takes another swig from the bottle, his throat burns and his eyes sting from unshes tears, and he can't. he can't. he can't. he can't.

He can't keep fucking hiding this. His feelings are about to burst, and if it blows up in his face, so what? Sokka will leave him alone and maybe he'll finally be able to breathe without feeling like his heart will give out if Sokka so much as blinks at him.

He starts heading to the tree. At least there, he can think. If he dies of alcohol poisoning then at least he'll die with the notes of his love. Poetic, really. He's fine with that demise.

It takes Zuko an hour to reach the tree, mainly because he's drunk and stumbling around, and he managed to get lost once (okay, maybe twice) but he sat down under the tree and chugged the rest of the bottle.

He falls asleep, clutching the bottle, and his mind shows him slide after slide of him disappointing every good person he has in his life.

_I wanna lie awake with your black soul_

Sokka finds him, of course he does, he always had a knack for sniffing Zuko out. He shook him awake, frantically, and when Zuko doubled over and emptied the contents of his stomach onto the roots of him tree (his love) his stomach churns more and of course even he would ruin the last good thing he had.

Sokka carried him back to the shop, and tucked him into bed, then crawled on top of the covers and pet Zuko. When Sokka's hand accidentally touched his scar, and Sokka froze, Zuko moved his head to where Sokka could touch it more, and Sokka let out a breath of relief, and continued to pet Zuko.

They just laid there, in bed, Sokka petting him and Zuko falling even more helplessly in love. Fuck. 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Fuck.

_Count your fears if you let me_

It took two weeks, in the end (two years, seven months) before Zuko broke completely. It wasn't his fault though, he fell asleep and hadn't noticed Sokka playing in the dirt. They are sitting underneath the tree and Sokka accidentally woke him when he said, "What's this?" and pulled out a pouch.

Zuko's heart froze. Well. Be careful what you wish for. Before he could snatch it and run, Sokka dumped the contents of the pouch into his lap and, sitting there, in the hands of the person he's in love with, is the proof of his love for him.

There are approximately 46 notes (not that he was keeping count or anything) and each if them were signed, by Zuko. Zuko braces for the end as Sokka reads one. And then the next. And then the next. And then the next.

He read every single note before looking up at Zuko. There are tears in both of their eyes (Zuko assumes Sokka's are because he's about to lose his best friend due to unrequited feelings) but Zuko's are from the inevitable heartbreak.

He just loves Sokka so fucking much and if he didn't write it down he was afraid he'd never say it (he had thought he wad right, to be fair) so when Sokka starts actually crying, Zuko doesn't know what to do.

"Are these true, Zuko?"

Zuko can't look at him, he turns his head away and nods, "I mean every last word."

Suddenly, he's got a lap full of Sokka and Sokka is pulling his face up to Zuko's and he mumbles fondly, "you're an idiot" before Sokka is pushing their lips together, and Zuko's heart stopped.

He wraps his arms around Sokka's waist and holds on for dear fucking life.

_Baby I just want your damn bad intentions_  
  
---  
  
**Author's Note:**

> if you cried, I'm sorry.
> 
> (Not really)


End file.
